take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
