I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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