Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
