i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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