Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
