I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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