I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
