Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
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I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
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Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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