Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
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She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize