I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
