If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
