i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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