my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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