i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
