I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
