I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
