Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
