Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
