i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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