I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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