i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
