Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
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do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
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An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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