as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
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Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
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All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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