I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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