Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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