yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize