I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
