So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?