so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
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Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.