Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
