i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...