Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.