that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
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it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
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She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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