sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
