You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
