I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Randomize
