dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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