You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
