she was so not down for the gang bang
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
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You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
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I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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