I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
