if you like me you must not know who I am
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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