Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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