I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
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I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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