Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.