Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously