a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
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we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
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She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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