Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
