I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I have demons in me.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
