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i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
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