eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You're like the curious george of whores
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight