when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.