dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today