We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck