He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.