I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.