Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize