last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
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was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
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Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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