dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
