so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The best revenge is premature balding
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises