The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
what is it with giant penises always finding me
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan