Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
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In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
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I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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