Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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