I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My dick has a subreddit
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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